I would do anything for love...

But I won't do that.

Do you remember that song? It's funny,of course Meatloaf meant it as a joke, but perhaps he was on to something. Do we all have a "that?" Something my mother has always said that there were only two things my father could ever do to make her leave: hit her or cheat on her... and if he did she was taking the kids. But we all sort of laugh when she says this because of course those are two things my dad is definitely not ever planning on doing. But maybe my mom is simply communicating something we all hold on to secretly in the depths of our hearts-- limits.

So last week I found myself at my limit saying to God, "I would do anything for love, but I won't do that." For me, at least, this was an expression of hurt which had turned to bitterness and expressed itself in selfishness. And though I had the opportunity to see God in my pain, I knew that I thought what He was bound to ask me to do was something I had absolutely no intention of doing. "That, God? Are you sure THAT is what you want?" So I stuck my fist in the air and paid a fine to get on the next boat going anywhere but Ninevah thinking, "I'd rather run from you than do that."

That's how I ended up in the belly of the whale.

And only from there, when I saw that I was going to be stuck in the dark, gasping for breath, and turning more and more disgusting as time went on, only there did I call out to God. Then I repented and said, "You're right. And the vow which I have made, I will fulfill." And once again I found that His grace is sufficient for me and He is still the fountainhead of life.

What a fool I have been! Though I can't help but wonder if this life is nothing more than a continual conquering of "that"s until there is truly nothing we wouldn't do for love-- being obedient, even to death on a cross. Because in my stubbornness I have been confronted by the one who has loved me so perfectly and so completely that he has yet to find the thing He wouldn't do for love.

My God, my God, why hast Thou accepted me? Truly to you, I owe everything.


Needless to say, it has been a refreshing weekend here on dry land, getting ready for a trip of obedience.

-Vern.