This is what I know.

Oops.

If you would like to dispose of something in a dramatic fashion, you should take the following things into consideration.

Is it flammable? If yes, fire is good choice. If no, fire is bad choice.
Will it float? If yes, throwing it into a lake is bad choice. If no, lake is good choice.
Is it covered in your picture? If yes, then you should probably not do something with it that could get you into trouble-- a.k.a. litter.

So here's the problem. I did not think about any of those questions except the first one. So I didn't burn this collage because it was not flammable. However, I did not consider that wooden picture frames float, carrying their contents. I did consider that throwing a picture frame into a lake would be littering but as I did not consider the problem of buoyancy, I did not realize that if anyone wanted to know who littered they would be able to pick up said picture frame and see about 20 different copies of my face.

Crap.

I thought this was such a good idea.

I'll let you know if the police come knocking on my door with my $500 fine or up to a year in jail.
-V

Where Does My Heart Belong?

I'm growing not to appreciate this nomadic existence of mine. It's strange to live in different places during different parts of the year, to keep up with both lives. Sometimes I feel like there's just not much left for me here but a lot of burned bridges.

I don't really know what I'm trying to say.

Two books down.

I wish it was easy for me to keep up with people-- to keep in mind the ones I need to call/spend time with, but that's far from my strong suit. So instead, I read, wait tables, and try to stay on my grandmother's good side (thus far, unsuccessful).

I miss my prayer tent. I miss my roomie. I miss all of my besties... there's a lot of them, so it's a pretty big hole in my heart. I'm forgetting how to work in KC mode and OBU mode doesn't quite fit here.

Maybe I could make more sense if it wasn't 1:15 AM right now.

Who knows? I might try again later.


Wishing you the best on this most joyous of occasions,
-V

Reading List.

Remember when we used to be able to read for fun? Yeah, me too. It feels good.

My list for J-term:
Twilight by Stephanie Meyers
The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold
The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard
In the Name of Jesus by Henry Nouwen
The Cost of Discipleship by Diderich Bonhoffer
The Tales of Beedle the Bard by J.K. Rowling

Also possibilities:
The rest of the Twilight Series
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway

Twilight depends on time and the other two are books from the Summer I never quite got to and would still like to read. We'll see how time goes. I already finished Twilight so I think that's a good sign. I forgot how much I love fiction. :)

Concerning Twilight: the writing isn't great but it's not bad either. I think it gets better as the book continues and the action picks up. The story is pretty good. Overall, I liked it. I'm not going to be obsessed any time soon, but I won't make fun... maybe.

Oh, and for those of you looking for new music, I would highly recommend Ingrid Michaelson Radio on Pandora. It's pretty much incredible.

With all the love I can muster to send,
V

Let's wrap this thing up.

Today, I did that which I previously thought impossible: I wrote the final exam for civ and felt good walking out. My hand hurt, but my head was emptied. As I handed it to Dr. Sanders I almost said, "Well, here goes nothing."

And so now it really does feel like the semester is ending. I mean, I still have a Hebrew exam which is going to KILL, but I feel like I know how to prepare for that, and for the love of all that is holy, it won't take 8 hours of studying.

I'll be home on Friday. I'll be at Minsky's on Saturday. Break will be... interesting. It will be interesting to see how God moves in this time I'm away from school.

Things I am excited about:
-Making some money
-TPX
-Gateway
-Family
-Possible trip to Kville to see seester.
-God's goodness
-New chapel crew
-Chapel crew "retreat"
-reading things just because I want to. :]

I think that's a pretty good size list. I guess I'm pretty happy. Oh, and I have some really good friends. And I'm thankful for that. 6 weeks will be a long time.

Much love.
-V

Got it.

Found my camera. Charged it. Cleaned my room. Took some pictures. Here you go.



So here is our room. Nothing unusual.









Little did you know, the door to Narnia was waiting for you when you put that futon down.







Prayers go on this wall.











And scriptures go on this one. (With a couple extra in other places. I am a bible major after all.)











Here we have the prayer beads and a favorite poster.














And last but not least, some things people have made for me to remind me of the things God has done in my life. Boy, He is faithful.









And in the end, you have this-- my little prayer tent, complete with pillows, blankets, Christmas lights, foam pad for cushioning, as well as foam protection from the bar which holds my bed together. It's a pretty nice place to do a little journaling or praying, or reading.


Hope you enjoyed the tour of my little cave. God is using it to teach me a lot about Himself and His faithfulness.

Exodus 33:7-10 (NASB)

Now Moses used to take the tent and pitch it outside the camp, a good distance from the camp, and he called it the tent of meeting And everyone who sought the LORD would go out to the tent of meeting which was outside the camp. And it came about, whenever Moses went out to the tent, that all the people would arise and stand, each at the entrance of his tent, and gaze after Moses until he entered the tent. Whenever Moses entered the tent, the pillar of cloud would descend and stand at the entrance of the tent; and the LORD would speak with Moses. When all the people saw the pillar of cloud standing at the entrance of the tent, all the people would arise and worship, each at the entrance of his tent.

How about them apples?

All these things perish, but He remains.

-V

IDEK

To do:

Write that Hamlet paper.
Catch up on civ reading.
Banquet/HOG/Bowling
Chapel meeting
House Church
House Church Christmas wonderfulness.
--Buy cranberry sauce.
--Help Disch make her pie

Dang. This is going to be a busy weekend. I am never going to get that paper done... and I'm definitely not reading.

Beauty from Pain.

This 1-2-3 day always haunts me on the calendar. Though, today it is especially potent as it marks the 4 year anniversary and I find myself once again a sophomore, thinking about you.

I can't help but laugh, at the worst day of my life because it started in a French III class, and here in French III once more I can at least rest assured knowing that today when I go to Mme. Roark's room it will not possibly be the worst French class of my life. :) I know you'd laugh. You always did.

I wonder how life would be different. You would've done flight training with me. We'd probably be even closer. That is hard to think about. It would've been much easier to rouse school spirit to beat you my senior year... though I'm sure you won't blame me that I did not go to the game and also that I did not pout when our greatest rivals went on to win state. It was, of course, for you.

I would probably not be best friends with Nikki, and so for that, I must smile, knowing that you have brought me my greatest joy. Also, Brad would not love Jesus and for all he's meant in my life, I must thank God for that also.

I wonder if you know how much your short life impacted Blue Springs. To be fair, I wonder if I know. I wonder if I stopped being my inconsolable 15-year-old self long enough to realize what enormous things God was using you to do. I wonder if you received a reward for being such an innocent sacrifice.

You'd be 20 now. I don't know where you'd be at school, but I'm sure you would be somewhere great. I'm also sure we'd have regular conversations about how our lame friends are nothing like teenstaff-- well, maybe. I've got some pretty awesome friends.

I want you to know that I'm doing well. There are still some things that make me think of you, inevitably, but still the memories are fading. I'm starting to forget your voice. Sometimes I can't remember your laugh. Sometimes I have to look at pictures to remember your face. But, for some reason, I just can't shake the memory of YOUR NASTY FEET on my face. No, I still have not (AND WILL NOT EVER) forgiven you. :) It's disgusting, and you know it. Of course here, Nikki pulls the, "in my mouth" card and she always wins. But it's a happy game.

I look back on that other sophomore year in a different world, when I was a different Veronica. It's a weird thing to remember. Leaving school, coming back, everyone wanted to be the first to tell me, not realizing I was the first to know. Crying, hugging, I think I even took a test.

What I remember most is the misery for I was supposed to be with you on Friday. We were supposed to worship together. And now, looking back, I realize that while I wept most bitterly you were worshiping in fullness of presence. You still are. It must be nice.

I wonder why you? Why not me? Would my life have been as glorifying had it ended then? What does God have left for me that I must stay here? I actually laugh, thinking about how I'd tell you about all those years of Club121 paying off for now I lead a bigger Club121 to which the entire student body is required to come at least 12 times per semester. HA! We'd crack up, I'm sure.

I miss spinning hugs, fullness of joy, foam Jesus fish, your servant heart, your incredible smile, everything.

I still cannot forgive those who pretended to try to comfort me after they saw me on the news, though I know it's time to let it go. I won't even tell you about it.

And the day continues, though I wish it would stand still. I have to go, though I will not stop thinking about you. I'll probably call Brad. Maybe I'll cry-- but I admit I've been needing to for a couple days now.

I wish I had words sufficient to give to Nikki.

I wish I could see you one more time.

Love you, so does Jesus.