Future.

"So, did you graduate?"
"No I have one year left."
"Oh, what are you going to do?"

Some version of this happens, I'm going to say, about, 17 times a week, usually all at church functions. But I think I've slowly worked through the entire congregation of Gateway, so maybe it will stop. I know, I know, wishful thinking.

It's not that I don't like talking about the future. It's just that I have no idea what I'm doing. I have it down to two options. However those options are 1)grad school, 2)something else.

I've had some really good lunches with some people that have led me to this conclusion: I need to let God's voice/judgment/opinion be the only one with any influence when choosing career/school/life. That's been a pretty big deal for me, but I'm going to avoid the rant and leave it at that. Furthermore, I know that ministry is always going to be a big part of my life, but I see myself doing it bi-vocationally. And so for that reason, until God says otherwise, I'm going to pursue being a professor because that is the only career I can imagine myself having/liking and it would give me the best schedule ever with which I could plan life/ministry.

I don't know why I'm using so many slashes. I apologize.

So option 1 is split into 6-- which is up because I added another school to the stupid list. But if that is the route we continue then in one year I will either be at: Duke, Vanderbilt, Union Theological Seminary, Texas Christian, Wake Forest, or Fuller Theological Seminary. Fuller is the new added one and it is on the list because 1)I could go all the way to doctorate, 2)I really respect the people I know who have studied there, 3)Dallas Willard, 4)Glen Stassen. Before it was not on the list because it is in Pasadena. A big part of me doesn't want to live in California, but a bigger part of me says, "Hey, two of your top three favorite theologians currently teach there and it's non-denominational." So really, it wasn't included before because of my own stubbornness.

All of that to say, I'm visiting four of them this summer and hopefully I will get a chance to visit the last two at some point. I'll be at TCU some time next week and Duke, Vanderbilt, and Wake Forest in August. I have no idea how I'm going to afford a visit to New York or Pasadena but, we'll see.

Option 2 is still open because sometimes God surprises us and I just want to leave room for that in my mind so that I don't freak out if/when it happens.


Blerg. Life is hard to figure out but I feel pretty good about what seems to be going down now. :)

love.

Today is a good day.

This morning I got up, had an english muffin and coffee (although I didn't quite do the coffee maker correctly... and there was coffee all over the counter...that's another story.), and now I am going to grab some theology and a sweater and sit on my front porch to watch the rain and think about what God is like.

I am currently at a place where I can see myself growing-- I can see where I've been, how I've gotten there, and realize that I am in a position to figure out myself and what I believe and why on a much deeper level than I ever have before. Let me explain.

When I first became a Christian, I learned a lot about God the Father, because really, I was starting from scratch and this idea of a God that was talked about in the bible was something I had no notions about. So I started devouring the word to see what he was like. Later, as I started to figure out my giftings, I really got acquainted with the Holy Spirit and learned to hear him speak and feel him move and follow his direction. And finally in college I have begun to understand God the savior-- Jesus. It started by going overseas and continued through life of Christ and has now taken this interesting turn.

Here's what I'm figuring out. If we want to know what God is like, we can't take our ideas about what God must be to scripture to make them fit. We must first look at what God has said about himself. God's greatest act of self-expression is found in the man of Jesus. When God wanted us to know what He was like, he gave up all of his heavenly glory, became one of us, and then was led silently like a lamb to the slaughter as we killed Him. God's defining characteristic is love. God has power, but God is love.

So I've been reading some theology to see what that means I believe about everything else. And that is kind of a big deal. But I like it. It has been a sweet journey. Not that any of these processes are ever finished, but I do think this is going to be a defining stage of my life.

I'll let you know how it goes. For now, I will enjoy the respite from the heat, the rain, and the goodness of the one who loves me beyond anything I could ever begin to understand.


Other awesome reading has included/will soon include: Psalms, The Life You Always Wanted by John Ortberg, and The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence.


Lord, teach me to be with you and teach me to pray. That's what I ask for this summer of exile. Amen.

Since the last time I saw you...

A few things have changed.

I've read a couple books.

Thanks to the beauty of science and a couple of lasers, I no longer wear contacts. My left eye is still a little blurry but I plan on waking up in the morning with perfect vision. Here's hoping.

I am now employed by 54th Street Bar and Grill in Blue Springs. I finish training tomorrow and then I will be thrown into the overwhelming world of waiting tables. I'm a little nervous but I hope that I'll get on my feet quickly. I have a test over the menu tomorrow so tonight means study, study, study!

Actually, I think that's pretty much everything. My life is not too exciting. This summer Selina and I will be reading the Life You've Always Wanted by John Ortberg. I'll dedicate another post to that later.

Hope you're feeling as bright and warm as the sun.
-Vern